Due to the events in Afghanistan over the
past few days, there have been many references to “The Fall of Saigon.” Many of
the younger generation may wonder why.
My two books in “The Cameron Saga” deal with
the lives of two brothers who both served in Vietnam and whose lives were
forever changed by being part of that war. In Man with No Yesterdays
Jake Cameron, the younger brother who served as a Green Beret, has suffered a
traumatic brain injury which erases his personal memory almost completely and
he is left trying to rebuild a life for himself.
While he is
living in Canada, Jake witnesses the television coverage of the North
Vietnamese Army overrunning South Vietnam, and he writes to a friend about his reaction.
(It amazed me that when writing this chapter, I actually found the CBC coverage
of the event on YouTube and was able to see exactly what my character Jake
experienced.)
Here’s Jake’s
letter to his friend Louis:
May
2, 1975 - 3:00 a.m.
Louis,
April
30, 1975, will remain with me forever. I’m sure the news of the fall of Saigon
reached you.
Thousands
of South Vietnamese abandoned to fend for themselves. People who had aided the
United States in its fight against communism, left to the mercy of the invading
North Vietnamese to do God knows what to them. Seeing those people surrounding
the embassy hoping for helicopters to return…and it never happened.
I
had to write you because you know my history and will understand how watching those
images tore me apart. No, I didn’t remember my time in service, but seeing the
helicopters lifting off from the embassy grounds gave me a chill.
Anger…despair…maybe an echo of my time there? I don’t know.
It
was gut-wrenching to see all those Vietnamese at the locked embassy gates,
pleading to be taken out of the country. Some of them people who had visas to
come to Canada. What the hell?
I’ve
got to tell you, watching those choppers being ditched in the ocean. God, that
was the worst. I felt like I might have been reliving the crash I was in…it
made me shaky and sick to my stomach. I
managed to hide it from my co-workers who were in the room with me. Probably
nobody would have noticed anyway…we were all riveted to the television monitor.
Through
it all, I was proud of our Marines. They never lost their cool and handled an
impossible situation with great courage. Did what had to be done. When we got
word that the Marines had been successfully airlifted, a whole roomful of
Canadians audibly relaxed and exhaled. I don’t think until then I realized I’d
been holding my breath.
I
haven’t slept for two nights. I’m too wired to sleep, afraid of what my mind
might recover and wake me with. I felt guilty as hell…guilty about being part
of that war. We went in, thinking it would be an easy victory. Instead, we
pretty much destroyed what had been a once beautiful country. Andy told me
about that, how hauntingly beautiful it was when he first got there in 1965.
Then walking away from all the mistakes we made. A blasted landscape. Hundreds
of thousands dead. All those young American lives lost, and for what?
All
this makes me wonder if I’ll ever be free of Vietnam. It’s in my atoms. Senses
that awaken within me that I can’t escape or deny. Part of me will always be a
warrior. But I hang on to George’s wise words: “A man can be a warrior with his
voice and his passion, finding a way to bring good things to people.”
Later
today I plan to participate in a healing circle held twice a month at the
Outreach Centre. Up to now, I haven’t joined in, but I need this. I need to
find a way back to peace and balance, and a way to scrub the haunting images
from my mind. I pray my First Nation brothers will include me, their white
brother.
I’m
going to close, but I want you to know how much I appreciate being able to
write you and know I won’t be judged…you never judged me. I can tell you things
you I can’t tell anyone else, and that means a lot.
Thank
you for listening.
I vividly
recall watching the TV coverage
at the time and having a similar reaction. Disbelief, dismay, anger. I felt
physically ill. I was not actively part of the protest movement, but I felt the
war was wrong. I was distressed by the way our Vietnam veterans were treated on
returning home. It was a sad, confusing time in our country, and then we
learned the government had lied to us. About almost everything having to do
with the war.
Watching
the events in Afghanistan unfold recently and the quick collapse of the
government brought back all that emotion. Once again, the skies over a national capitol have been filled with helicopters. This was never a “good” war, if there
is such a thing. I’m sure many of us who were around in 1975 saw with dread
what was doomed to happen. How tragic that those in power apparently did not.
photo by Dr. Bertram Zarins
used by permission
